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A Special Note for Single Parents

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Have you and the children settled into a new routine?

Give your kids some time and space to get used to a new routine. Your economic status may have changed. Your living quarters may have been rearranged. Your kids may be getting used to having two rooms, one at mom’s and one at dad’s. Or they might have a room while with one parent and then feel like a camper or overnight guest while with the other.

In addition, divorce takes a lot of time. Whether you sought the divorce or it was thrust upon you, divorce is time consuming and steals time away from your children. Invest in some extra time with them. Get their lives stabilized before you add another relationship to it.

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Do you have at least one group of single friends, or are you a part of at least one organization where single parents can socialize as a group?

The longer you were married, the more important this step is. Single dating is stressful. Get used to the dating dynamic by group dating first. Investigate what organizations or groups might be available in your community. Many single parents discover new friendships by joining Parents Without Partners or church single-parent groups. To find some healthy singles, look through the yellow pages for single parenting groups, call your local Christian newspaper or bookstore, or call a local social services organization for referrals.

Have you forgiven your former spouse?

This issue was dealt with in length earlier in the chapter; this is just a reminder that to go forward you have to let go of the hurts of the past.

In addition, your children may have to forgive your ex, especially if there were any issues of abuse, an affair, or abandonment.

Are you attending a church that has programs for single parents, divorce recovery, and counseling that help single parents heal so they can integrate into the general congregation?

Some of the best help for handling dating and single parenting can be the modeling you receive from other healthy Christian single parents and from other parents in general. A local church is a great place to meet others who are at least desiring to live a more emotionally, spiritually, and morally healthy lifestyle. A local church is often a great resource for low-or no-cost counseling, recovery groups, and small groups that deal with specific issues. In addition, when you do begin dating, churches often have many safe social events. If a relationship progresses and you begin dating seriously, that same church can offer pre-engagement counseling. Your pastor, whom you now have a relationship with, can perform your wedding, and there will be follow-up help if the next relationship hits any stressful bumps in the new emotional road you’re traveling.

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